tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84669782024-03-13T10:36:46.829+08:00ħēĄŗ mŸ vōĬċęUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger737125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-25632723117787125282016-12-13T11:25:00.002+08:002016-12-13T11:25:33.418+08:00do not ever <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Something I need to share. To remind myself. To remind people around me. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I just need to voice this out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I wouldn't call this as 'rules'. May be 'principle' i guess. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">For those who unfortunately ended up in my car,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1. Do not, I repeat, NEVER throw rubbish out of my car. There is usually a small rubbish bin in the car for you, but if there isn't any, find one. Or you could just hang on to it till we reach out destination and you find an actual bin. Or else, I'm totally fine with you leaving it on the floor of the car. I don't care. Just. Not. Out. The. Window. On. The. Road.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I absolutely cannot tolerate such behaviour. The world is not your dumpster. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">2. This is menial to some. But as people say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Well, this applies to MY CAR as well. It's MY car, I drive it the way i drive. If you don't like it, just keep your mouth shut, and take an UBER. I'll gladly request one for you. Do not attempt to give me mixed signals, and then proceed to scream at me for not driving YOUR way. In other words, do not interrupt me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am pretty sure I was driving 'safely' in your terms, but you are the one who suggested I could cut the car in front of me. Damn, then don't scream at me if you have already given me the green light to go fast. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">3. NEVER proceed to lecture the hell out of me when I'm driving. I am a cancerian. I am emotional. When the emotional thing hits me, I cant fucking control myself. The world outside is already very stressful. Do not add to that. Thank you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In Life,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1. Do not tell me, "The world doesn't revolves around you." I know that very well. So my question to you is, "So does the world revolves around you then?".</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Then just stfu. I am not interested in your useless opinion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">2. If you do not know me, do not even try to judge me. Damn, I am not your puppet. I am not the person you imagine i am. I am not going to live the world according to your sick mentality. I wish to be friends with you, but if we are so different, it cant be helped. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Damn. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-72249348579179770342016-08-03T11:19:00.002+08:002016-08-03T11:19:23.910+08:00what's wrong with me?<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i needed a place to rant. logged in again to my dayre, thinking that there will not be so many active people. but what's the point. this blog has been with me since 2004. unless you are my friend from yesteryears, or you are one heck of a stalker, you will not be able to find me. well, if you did found me here, congrats to you. let me know and we'll go for ice cream. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">many years has passed since i started pouring my immature childish nonsense thoughts here. nothing has changed though. i may have grew older, but i dont think i am no longer immature, childish or nonsense. i am still, but maybe much lesser. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">heh. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">my personal facebook is not a place where i can rant anymore. colleagues, agents, teachers, bosses are all in there. i went against my own principle of NOT adding these people in. but me being me, i never have a stand. anyway, i am glad they are in there. it just limits what i can do or say in there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">my hands and mind have been itching to write. anyway. whatever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">- - - - - - -</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">on another story...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">yesterday i found out that you were already together with someone else wayyy before you decided to push me side and treat me like trash. i guess this was the same person you were going after. who decided to push you aside as well. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">well finding out stuff like this did hurt me, abit, i should cry, i should mourn over the loss of you (done that long time ago) but deep down i know that you are not worth it. i knew it long ago. i just created this 'fantasy' world and hope things will eventually work out between us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">you said you're not ready. fuck it, then why are you ready for that one? you could have tell it straight to my face, you're already together with someone. it will break apart the fantasy land but that would be better than you and me lying to me. am i a back-up player? in case you and her didnt work out, then i am here for you. please. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i have wasted enough time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">actually deep deep deep down i kind of know. i know you are not here anymore. thus the meetup i insisted on having. at least i need to know who is the person i spent so much time talking to, before we drift apart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i only blame myself for being stupid. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i only blame myself for falling too fast.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i only blame myself for being so stupid. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i only blame myself for being so blind. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i only blame myself for being so 'desperate' for love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">now that i finally found a closure for you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">which leads me to wonder. why isit so difficult for me to find someone. anyone. people kept telling me to lower my requirement. i actually dont require much, just for someone i can talk to, someone who will be here with me, someone who makes me laugh at the most horrible times. they are also the same people who tells me to just wait and god will have a plan, there is timing for everyone. like, when will my time be? is there something wrong with me? am i so horrible that no one will actually love me? am i so disgusting that no one will even like me, except for my family and few friends? what am i doing wrong? like, what's wrong with me? these negative thoughts is killing me bit by bit. i am strong and still surviving, but.. yeah. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">hmm. </span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-28341669434219870392016-07-12T12:20:00.003+08:002016-07-12T12:20:53.733+08:0012th July 2016<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm so fking stressed up now. I need to vent my frustrations but there is no where to do it. There is no one I can talk to. No one actually understands. :(</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So stressed up that I was actually holding back my tears in the bank, in the car, in my work. I just need a release. AH! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Life is so shitty. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am also angry at myself. I said I want to leave this place, but I'm still here. Because I'm doing nothing to change it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">ME and MY procrastination. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">ME and MY fears of the unknown. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">What if I quit and there is no job?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">All these uncertainties. I cant do this anymore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am sick, I am tired, I just want to go somewhere and hide. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">:( </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-52108876019514813272015-12-13T11:01:00.000+08:002015-12-13T11:01:35.779+08:00"Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients. Richard Branson" <div style="text-align: center;">
"<b>Even those who sells property don't work on Sundays</b>.<i> </i></div>
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<i>Except when there's public fair.. that's a different story</i>."</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">**To understand the situation I am in right now, I work 7 days a week. Occasional breaks here and there (So nice have break still want to complain?). Wait lah, one day break in few months. You call it a break? Monday to Sunday, everyday. You say jialat or not?***</span><br />
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Damn, I am fucking depressed right now. Who the hell wakes up so early on a weekend? Or on Sunday morning. If you're going to a church then yes, you have to wake up and go. Willingly.<br />
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But work? Damn.<br />
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There's a thin line between <i>willing</i> and being <i>forced</i> to.<br />
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This morning, even my parents who are usually the FIRST persons to wake up in the morning is still asleep. EVEN the dog, who wakes up earlier than me, is STILL ASLEEP. Even the dog didn't bother to wake up.<br />
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What THE <strike>FUCK </strike> bleep?!<br />
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<b>I am depressed. I am sad.I am tired. I feel conflicted. </b><br />
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I am <i>thiiiiisss </i>close to sending the message to the boss.<br />
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<u><i><b>"I have decided to walk out the door." </b></i></u></div>
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What breaks my heart was all the small little things that are mundane, but those are the little important things.<br />
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My grandparents, who are already very old. I am not spending any time with them. Even IF i get to go home, it was to sleep. ALL I could do is just to sleep. Because that's how tired I am. Physically, emotionally, mentally.<br />
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My parents, they are trying new things, exploring new places, WITHOUT ME. I used to be the one that says, "Let's go here", "Let's go there". But now, they will be telling me, "We went to this place last week, its nice. Maybe you should go too, when you're free." Damn. I am NEVER free.<br />
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My social life, is 'dead-er' than dead. Even if I am free, I am just too tired to meet anyone. I choose to just go home and sleep.<br />
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For a company that claims that they preach on "WORK-LIFE BALANCE", I'm sorry, you can all go and syok-sendiri with your Work-Life Balance philosophy. It just doesn't exist in this step-child office.<br />
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And to think that for all the sacrifices I have made (my time, my energy, my family, my friends, myself, everything), and the pay I am getting are just PEANUTS.<br />
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Why do I wake up so early this morning? It's my sense of responsibility, not for the tiny claim that I can make.<br />
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I am seriously tired of all this shits. Yes, I can do something. Quit. Maybe, soon.<br />
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Sigh.<br />
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Saw this quote on Facebook. Very relevant to the situation I am in.<br />
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<i><b style="background-color: yellow;">"Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients. Richard Branson" </b></i></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-31995004730304476022015-12-02T23:03:00.000+08:002015-12-02T23:03:17.682+08:00rant. nonsense. <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i am not well. not at all. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">im so tired. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">is this the life i want to live? why am i torturing myself like this? there must be a better way for selfharm.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i am so tired. tired with every single piece of shits, tired of everyone, tired of every single fucking thing. im so tired of the world. i need to take a break. i need to be away from people, from all the energy draining stuff and be alone. to have time for myself, that would be an impossible dream. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">there if no where to go, even if i can get a break. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">not like i get the luxury of having a break. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">there is no such luxury. there will be no fucking time for yourself. not to mention time for family, friends.. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">im so tired that i get depressed. i need time to cry, but i cant find time. all these pent up emotions. this is no fun at all. i dont even have time to get depressed fml. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">what the fuck am i doing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">"public holidays are given and its a right for everyone. why do we need to earn it?" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i cant think straight now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">why do i feel like im suffocating? to the point that i cant breathe. why do things have to be so complicaated. damnnnnn</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-87021111665018578262014-11-24T12:56:00.002+08:002014-11-24T12:56:26.917+08:00sigh<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">im tired. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">seriously tired. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">tired of all the shits i have been receiving.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">being older does not give you the right to condemn me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">BUT,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I WILL pull through.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I WILL survive.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">let's see how this ends. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">some people are just too much. what did i ever do to make you this angry.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">not competent?? tell me NICELY la. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">all the bulls I've been seeing, i know.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">i know she wants me to leave.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">but i wont. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">i will stay till the bosses asks me to leave. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">fuck. </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-17751181207594977622014-09-24T13:12:00.001+08:002014-09-24T13:12:29.296+08:002014<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have been working for a few months after a very, very long break. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Few months feels like FOREVER! </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-585725643910973562014-01-21T00:33:00.003+08:002014-01-21T00:33:38.873+08:00goodbye,陌生人.how did i come to this again?<br />
well i was looking back at the old pictures, print screens..<br />
arranging and deleting the unnecessary from hogging space in the external hard disk actually.<br />
there are like tens of thousands to look through and manage. NOT a joke.<br />
literally that many pictures.<br />
<br />
<br />
and then i saw.. him.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>actually it is the print screen of his messages.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>but whatever. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span>
those early mornings and late nights,<br />
those are the only times we get to talk.<br />
those words.<br />
those lies.<br />
those games.<br />
<br />
i missed him.<br />
his last message to me was "im busy, i have lots of business."<br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">he meant work, but google translate says business. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">yeah. we speak different languages. </span></i><br />
<br />
well you know what?<br />
im busy too.<br />
<br />
i cant believe i fell for it.<br />
well, everyones kinda a fool when it comes to this.<br />
<br />
this is the last im going to talk about him.<br />
<br />
it was fun while it lasted.<br />
thanks for everything.<br />
<br />
goodbye.<br />
不再見了。<br />
祝你好運。<br />
我們一起加油吧。<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u>i will not look back anymore</u>. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-10276248952057424162013-04-16T01:53:00.002+08:002013-04-16T01:53:19.548+08:00scaryit's scary how people change.<br />
<br />
it's scary how two strangers crossed paths and become friends, then good friends, then best friends, then probably fall a little in love, and suddenly.. everything changes. they slowly drift apart and become distant friends, then very soon, strangers again. this scares me, teach me not to be held on so emotionally with the new people i meet. but then again, when it happens, it happens. when two person clicked, they clicked.<br />
<br />
it's scary how fast time pass. close my eyes for one moment and then another week passed.<br />
<br />
it's scary how different mineral water taste from drinking water.<br />
<br />
it's scary how accidents happen.<br />
<br />
it's scary how a person get injured and then scars happen.<br />
<br />
it's scary how ....<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-13249951349659297432013-04-16T00:46:00.000+08:002013-04-16T00:46:12.262+08:00update?theres nothing to update.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i am still studying. sort of..</div>
<div>
i am still forever alone..</div>
<div>
i am still as bored as ever...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i am still lifeless.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-41170678288162428882013-01-25T07:43:00.001+08:002013-01-25T07:43:46.025+08:00:'(last night, i dreamt about you. <br />
<br />
how can you so randomly appear in my dream? you were mine for that little while. even in the dream you went missing in the end. <br />
<br />
i know i will get my heart broken again, i know i am shameless... i want to give this a shot and texted you. i will not hope for anything. don't want to get too disappointed again.<br />
<br />
i must be crazy to even dream of that dream. something so impossible. even in the dream its not possible.<br />
<br />
where have you been? at least tell me to leave u alone or something and i will do that.<br />
i wish this is one big mess up. i wish is the systems fault. i wish there is an explanation to this. <br />
<br />
waking up emo at 7.30am. genius me. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-59473024408911733972012-11-19T01:35:00.001+08:002012-11-19T01:35:47.848+08:00alonesometimes, its easier when you have already given up. <br />
given up on finding love.<br />
when you have accepted the fact that you are going to be alone forever. <br />
<br />
then a wild fake love appears and give you hope,<br />
thats when you let your guard down and think that you deserve a fairy tale, <br />
like the others. <br />
<br />
but you have to realise, <br />
this is all fake feelings,<br />
all they want is just to youknowwhat,<br />
and then when you do realise one day,<br />
you dont know how to live alone anymore.<br />
<br />
the phrase 'i love you' been used so often it doesnt mean anything anymore. <br />
<br />
just get back to the ground and learn to live alone, forever. <br />
its easier this way. <br />
<br />
you will never love anyone, anymore. <br />
its just too difficult.<br />
<br />
loneliness is something you cant avoid. <br />
just, learn to live with it. <br />
<br />
one day, <br />
your friends will leave. <br />
your family will leave. <br />
everyone you have now will be too busy to bother you. <br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-90216783600257785912012-10-26T01:33:00.001+08:002012-10-26T01:33:12.728+08:00heartbreakersomehow .... <br />
<br />
<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-eK07xsAve3o/UIl3zR16P3I/AAAAAAAACG4/bD4_KwKYyBM/s640/blogger-image-1417961318.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-eK07xsAve3o/UIl3zR16P3I/AAAAAAAACG4/bD4_KwKYyBM/s640/blogger-image-1417961318.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wxZNjnDL9xo/UIlh_oi_wGI/AAAAAAAACGM/Z1nlcDdF3DI/s640/blogger-image--1393702171.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wxZNjnDL9xo/UIlh_oi_wGI/AAAAAAAACGM/Z1nlcDdF3DI/s640/blogger-image--1393702171.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-GIl4qht3FYA/UIliBRsxreI/AAAAAAAACGc/_-8hyLnbUNw/s640/blogger-image--1796631669.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-GIl4qht3FYA/UIliBRsxreI/AAAAAAAACGc/_-8hyLnbUNw/s640/blogger-image--1796631669.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-WBfrvxI8Rac/UIl30OCaLHI/AAAAAAAACHA/rFfyfOu1_Ls/s640/blogger-image--295435479.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-WBfrvxI8Rac/UIl30OCaLHI/AAAAAAAACHA/rFfyfOu1_Ls/s640/blogger-image--295435479.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-dDjkAiFbX4E/UIl31TA2g3I/AAAAAAAACHI/lY5Ju3zlXD4/s640/blogger-image-1118117680.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-dDjkAiFbX4E/UIl31TA2g3I/AAAAAAAACHI/lY5Ju3zlXD4/s640/blogger-image-1118117680.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-QNbhaPCJF74/UIlh-kka9DI/AAAAAAAACGI/MUnUR1NQ0_s/s640/blogger-image--1384573595.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-QNbhaPCJF74/UIlh-kka9DI/AAAAAAAACGI/MUnUR1NQ0_s/s640/blogger-image--1384573595.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-RP8mTjVJf78/UIliAT0nfrI/AAAAAAAACGY/cluYQXuqCbU/s640/blogger-image-1980114032.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-RP8mTjVJf78/UIliAT0nfrI/AAAAAAAACGY/cluYQXuqCbU/s640/blogger-image-1980114032.jpg" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-8357505972728393222012-10-13T11:13:00.001+08:002012-10-13T11:13:46.372+08:00{ whenever you need someone i'll be there }<br />
<br />
This comforting words, this comforting voice. Thank you for making things seems easier. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-59352462588033750822012-09-12T09:13:00.001+08:002012-09-12T09:13:34.063+08:00I dont know how am i feelingLife sucks, lets just deal with it. <br />
Im still looking for an easy way out...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-48921254273283204592012-04-24T01:33:00.001+08:002012-04-24T01:33:17.658+08:00stressedstress, stress, stress!!!<br />
<br />
theres so much i want to do, i want to write about, but i have no time to do. strange though, i have all the time in the world for procrastination.<br />
<br />
thesis is way behind schedule, working part time which takes up all my free time, and i have assignment which is due in a few weeks.<br />
<br />
thesis, due in almost 1 month.<br />
<br />
one more month wtf.<br />
<br />
been very depressed and frustrated also because of the data line in my phone. was asked to wait another two days to resolve the matter. well, if its not solved in 48 hours, i am going to change my line. and have an anger post on it.<br />
<br />
im on the verge of insanity. seriously, i cant live without internet. although no one msges me at whatsapp, bbm, etc, but still.... keeping it active will make sure my heart and mind is positive. lol. i feel like the world fking collapse because of the internet issue.<br />
<br />
fml. fml max.<br />
<br />
stress, depress, frus. not a good combination i tell you.<br />
<br />
whatever, i seriously hope i can get it back. whatever the issue is.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-4686297410761044152012-02-28T02:39:00.002+08:002012-02-28T02:39:30.741+08:00Let GoFeels like there's sooo much to talk about.<br />
<br />
It's been a crazy past few weeks. CNY is just barely over, just less than a month (from the 15th day), but it felt like its already been a year since CNY. sigh, had exams and assignments non stop since the holidays.<br />
<br />
Last Friday, we (me and my awesome group members) had to conduct a workshop as a part of assignment, and our group was the last one of the whole batch. I choose this topic (grief) because of the hectic and crazy schedule I had. Been quite depressing few weeks too, unable to enjoy during holidays, had to face resit exams and fearing for the worse, and also had some very emo lectures and assignments; mainly on pain, and death anxiety. I actually wrote a 10 page proposal on death anxiety, wtf do you know how depressing is that? And right after that, had to attend a pain management workshop which basically means dealing with pain. ok I'm talking crap now. lol.<br />
<br />
Well, I would like to say that I am soo very thankful for the awesome team members for coming up with such out-of-the-box ideas. Would never had thought of those ideas even though I brainstorm myself for weeks. Seriously, I truly enjoyed the workshop (not self-praise ok) even though I am one of the facilitators.<br />
<br />
Ok, ok, enjoy may not be the best description. As a faci, I felt something too. I was standing at the back of the class, trying to control my emotions. All I remember was telling myself to hold it, be strong, and you cannot cry at this moment. Was trying to block off some disturbing images in my mind at the same time. Felt really numb, but that's the feeling I am familiar with. Imagine going to a workshop feeling really down, wanting to let go off some burden, and then the faci are supposed to be strong and stand at your side, becoming the pillar of strength, but then they themselves broke down and cried in front of you.<br />
<br />
Talking about that, I somehow miss my paternal grandparents now. Was not really close to them, I'm closer to maternal side as I had stayed with them since the day I was born. They've been gone for more than 10 years already I believe. Was in primary school when it happened. But still, I miss them sometimes. Did not get to spend much time with them while growing up, but I still remember some moments with them.<br />
<br />
Sometimes when my maternal grandparents are not free to fetch me from kindy, the paternal grandpa would come to pick me up with his bicycle. Then, he would take me home to shower and rest, and then bring me out again to get snacks from the shop at the corner. It may be nothing for you, but for me this is the best memory I had of my paternal grandpa. And then when it was time for me to go home, the grandma would give me RM5. #moneyface. I still remember even though I was 5 or 6 years old that time.<br />
<br />
Two days ago, I <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/tze_ching/status/173368073481490434">tweeted</a>, " Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. Ohana will always be ohana."<br />
sometimes i can be so random, i dont always complain 1 ok....<br />
<br />
If you don't get the contents of the tweet, it basically means that by letting go of the grief, the hurt, and the pain of losing someone you love, and moving on with life, it does not mean that you should or would forget about the person. Family will always be family, no matter where they physically are, they will always and forever be in your heart. No matter what. It's ok to miss them once in a while, and they would be happy too if you move on. How can they be resting in peace if they know that you are not moving on? You get what I mean? I have limited language ability, helooooo....<br />
<br />
Ok, bye...<br />
<br />
Oh, if you happen to lost someone, and is grieving, please know that there is no time frame for you to grief. Take your time and grief at your own pace. There is no too long or too short period of time. It's all up to you. But, remember, after you're done being sad, emo, down, etc..., stand back up and continue with your life ok.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-39274663488448296922012-02-07T23:24:00.004+08:002012-02-07T23:24:47.783+08:00boo :(I had a sudden outburst of tears.<br />
<br />
It came from no where and I can't control it.<br />
<br />
Have history resit paper in less than 2 days and I am just so not prepared. This is too much.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-51925197988692564072012-02-04T22:39:00.000+08:002012-02-04T22:39:05.116+08:00Everything else can wait. Does it?I have been thinking about something that someone told me days ago. There are some truth in the words, but I still don't get it. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Some people say, "Just follow your heart and everything will be well", but there are also some who will tell you that "The most important thing now is to do well in your exams and everything else can wait."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well, actually, I'm stuck at the phrase where they said, "everything else can wait." </div>
<div>
What do you mean? I can put those 'unimportant' stuff aside while I get my degree? But, I also know that when you lose a chance, it's never going to come back.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In another point of view, "Make sure you know what is important for you and what is not. Prioritize. Make the right choice for the better future." </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm sorry if anyone who is reading this don't get it. I'm writing in too many point of view. Because when I write something, my brain will think from another point of view that that made sense, and then when i wrote the 2nd point down, a 3rd point of view will be messing with my brain. I'm not delusional or anything, I'm just me. I think a lot of nonsense, and I day dream alot. Alrights, back to the story.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well, the other day, someone told me that I should stop wasting my time going to concerts, and also other non-academic stuff that is deemed unimportant to them. And I am the sort of person that never believes that academics will bring you far in life, and 'play' is more important. You see, we never know how long more do we have to live in this world. An average person may live up to 60, 70 or even 80 years, but there are also some people who passes on in their 20s, 30s due to various reasons. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I dont want to be like the people who has regrets in life. I want to be able to eat the food that I want to eat, and experience new things when I have the chance. I also have some obsessions, like a famous singer, actor, etc. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Back to the point.. The thing that make me ponder for so many ion days is that 'everything else can wait' phrase. Oh how many times I had said that in life, but reality is, not everything can wait. It felt like telling those people, "Our friendship can wait." </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Seriously, my experience tells me that nothing waits. If you miss this one chance, then you missed it already. Second chances may or may not come. Also, you don't want to grow old and tell our grandchildren that you had spent your life waiting and missing out on life because something else is more important right? The something else that is important to you now may not be important at that time already. So? You missed out on creating memories that could be treasured just because you waited for the next chance to come. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Having said that, I hate it when people say, "There's always next time." If you give it a shot and you say that, then it's ok but if you don't do anything and you say that, I will begin to dislike you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ps: there's so much more things that I had wanted to write, but then, i took a break and went to do my laundry and when i came back i forgot what i had wanted to say and that is why.... this post is so confusing and doesnt make sense. if anyone's reading lah. but i doubt it. see, im talking to myself again. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-2135901411106758162012-01-20T15:03:00.000+08:002012-01-20T15:07:44.189+08:00I had a bad day - Road BullyThis few days feels like theres a huge dark cloud shadowing me... following me around, everywhere i go.<br />
<br />
just this afternoon, i got bullied on road by a taxi driver on rage.<br />
too bad i was so angry that i forgot to take down his car number.<br />
<br />
he actually stopped in the middle of the road, and when i go to the other lane, he tried to cut in again...<br />
and then he hurled abuse words towards me..<br />
<br />
WTF did i do?<br />
I think he's on PMS!<br />
<br />
FML totally spoilt my already-bad-mood.<br />
I dont know why but life sucks recently.<br />
<br />
the road bully was one of the worse.<br />
<br />
thank God someone was in the car with me to cool me down, if not there will be drama on the road edi...<br />
I'll go buy blade tmrw and keep in my car in case this kind of thing happen again.<br />
<br />
anyway anyhow, this whole day hasnt been good to me, from the moment i wake up till now.<br />
u say lah, went to subway 2nd time this week, and both times, my cups were leaking.<br />
<br />
and it only happened to me.<br />
my friend who ordered before me had a non-leaking cup.<br />
u say lah, what is this.... go both times, both times also get leaking cup. tsk tsk tsk...<br />
<br />
i just hope all this #darkclouds thing will end when the Rabbit year ends... or, should i mandi bunga first?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-41956452133975115272011-12-13T18:20:00.001+08:002011-12-13T18:20:18.943+08:00RantARGH!! I need to let this out!<br />
<br />
feels like a volcano waiting to erupt. may end up scolding someone, anyone if i dont say this out here.<br />
<br />
went into exam hall this morning feeling prepared to take on the battle. sat down, waited for the invigilators instructions, open the exam question booklet and WTF I DIDNTKNOWANYTHING~!<br />
<br />
seriously, there is 13 questions, and i only knew how to do 1. and that is the essay question. alright, so i looked, and looked, and think very hard for answers, but nothing seems to come to my mind...<br />
<br />
gave up and came out the exam hall early.<br />
<br />
WTF I HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN SO... STUPID. NEVER EVER.<br />
EVEN IF I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DO ANY QUESTIONS, USUALLY I AM ABLE TO AT LEAST CRAP AND ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS.<br />
<br />
BUT TODAY, I DIDNT. I JUST SIMPLY LEAVE IT BLANK AND WALKED OUT WTF IS WRONG WITH ME? THE THING IS...<br />
I WASNT ANGRY OR SAD WITH MYSELF, OR DISAPPOINTED, IM JUST FEELING NEUTRAL. I CAME HOME AND FELL ASLEEP.<br />
<br />
its like i felt numb already to all the negativity. i wasnt happy, but i wasnt extremely sad either.<br />
i feel like giving up on life already. i just made my already-low cgpa even lower. fml to the max.<br />
can i just give up studying already? clearly books and lectures are not my cup of tea, fuck the mindset that every1 needs to acquire higher education to have success in life. never believed that.<br />
<br />
damnit i seriously dont know what the fuck is wrong with me...<br />
the hsemate just said dun be sad.. and the problem is.. im not even sad...<br />
i just dont want to talk to anyone and if i talked to you pls dont 'step on my tail' or i will bite you.<br />
<br />
im stupid and i know it.<br />
go. away.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-40186454160129728122011-11-08T01:52:00.000+08:002011-11-08T01:52:54.535+08:00piece of shitAnd so, I have decided.<br />
<br />
This blog holds memories from the past and there is no way i'm going to delete it. But I'll be blogging on the other blog mainly on sharing information such as what did i do, what did i eat, what did i see, where i went...(etc)<br />
<br />
And on this dead blog, I will be updating on the other side of my life. The ranting side. The side where always complains about everything under the sun and the moon. btw, I have yet to think of a suitable title for the other blog lol...<br />
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Hehe... And so you have been informed. LOL i dun even think there's a single soul visiting this blog anymore...<br />
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on the other hand,<br />
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I just got back my thesis proposal result and i have minor ammendments which means that i can just start with my thesis if i wanted to. BUT when i went to see my supervisor, she told me that there is nothing wrong with my propopsal. HOWEVER, *jeng, jeng, jeng* the whole thing is a piece of shit and is not a 3rd year standard and if i carry on doing then i MIGHT (have high chance) to fail my thesis which means that i will screw my 3 years of studying.. wtf?!<br />
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Alright, i know i stupid, but wtf?! I also know its my fault for choosing such a complicated topic. already know myself not that smart edi, still want to choose such difficult topic. find trouble, cari pasal.. dunno what to say...<br />
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Will be wasting more weekends on doing this piece of shit lor... ok my thesis is my new born baby, its not a piece of shit.. but i am so tired already.. haihhhhUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-4202248881093919752011-09-14T00:27:00.000+08:002011-09-14T00:27:47.811+08:00Is Giving Up So Easy?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not the kind of person that handles stress well. Just last week, I almost gave up on TWO years of hard work. Literally giving up. I was feeling so down, and my future seems bleak. I can see nothing, but darkness. I thought I was at the end of my two years journey already. Another year to go and I am graduating. The thoughts of giving up is so strong that I would actually do it already, but friends have been encouraging me for moving forward. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wasn't joking when I said I wanted to give up. Nope, not at all. I was pretty damn serious about it. But, the thing is, how can I have the heart to tell my parents who has been funding my studies? We are not rich, and my fees are not cheap, but they have been paying the fees every semester. How can I tell my mum that her daughter wants to give up because she is not confident at all? How can I have the heart to break the news to them that the fees they have been paying all this while will go down the drain because their daughter is a quitter? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tears fell when I thought of that. There are many times when I talked to my mum over the phone, but I just can do it. I just can't let them down like that. As if I have not let them down enough. As if I'm not enough of a failure. Only my friends knew that I would want to give up. I spent weeks thinking long and hard about the giving up part. Those times that I was supposed to study for my failed papers, I spent it all on thinking, and thinking, instead of actually studying. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I even delayed the payment of the new semester because I had actually planned to give it all up. But, how do i face the people that have put their hopes on me? I didn't do it.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The days leading to the resit exam are not easy too. I was feeling so 'emo' that I even had a plain black profile picture on Facebook. Nope, it's not because I wanted to not show my face, but I was feeling really down. Like the life is worthless. People who know me will know that Facebook is my life (because I'm oh-so lifeless in real life). I had even considered to deactivate my fb account once and for all (if only i could find that damn button). But yeah, I didnt do it cause, I couldn't find the button. *swt case*</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Through my TWO long years journey, I have met with many challenges, but this is the biggest obstacle so far. The thought of giving up had never been so strong like this before. But I thought back to those moments that I wanted to give up previously, and think where will I be if I had really given up. I have no idea. But one thing I know is, <b>I AM STILL HERE BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO FIGHT, I CHOOSE TO CARRY ON. I DIDN'T GIVE UP. I HAD A CHOICE, AND I DIDN'T DO IT.</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nope, I didn't give up the last time, so why should I this time?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are moments in life where we met an obstacle or two, but everything happens for a reason. When you fall down, then stand up again. Or else you'll never learn. Standing back up is not easy, neither is giving up. So, just stand up for once. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For now, I am still waiting for results, but I hope things will be positive. *fingers crossed* Thank you all who have been with me through the darkest hour. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-65231687458941413372011-09-03T03:09:00.000+08:002011-09-22T10:57:38.272+08:00Yo!Just trying out the new blogger.com interface. Abit confusing for me right now. So plain... Need some getting used to...<br /><br />Click (1) there to "Try the updated blogger interface".<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QbgIphU2c2k/TmGSEfaW3nI/AAAAAAAABzA/wQUFeloBmbA/s1600/Picture1_1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QbgIphU2c2k/TmGSEfaW3nI/AAAAAAAABzA/wQUFeloBmbA/s320/Picture1_1.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />Then it will turn to the page as below. Really, it's very different, and a bit confusing for me. Oh well, can always click (2) to "Switch back to the old interface". But when you click they will ask you for comments, as they are still trying to improve.<br /><br />If you're too free then you can spend a few minutes with the comments and feedback, or can just click "Skip".<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZS0MExOlHtU/TmGSJQ9-d9I/AAAAAAAABzE/0gREjoR3Igc/s1600/Picture2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZS0MExOlHtU/TmGSJQ9-d9I/AAAAAAAABzE/0gREjoR3Igc/s320/Picture2.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />I realise that with the new interface, they do not bring you directly to a "Published" page where you can click view blog after publishing a post. It stays on the same page where you are composing the blogpost, which I think is oh-so-not convenient for me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466978.post-20620213427277599772011-08-31T03:11:00.000+08:002011-08-31T03:11:04.804+08:00<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">I think I lose a little bit of weight, </div><div style="text-align: center;">but I cant be sure. </div><div style="text-align: center;">And I dont want to be sure. </div><br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0