piece of shit

And so, I have decided.

This blog holds memories from the past and there is no way i'm going to delete it. But I'll be blogging on the other blog mainly on sharing information such as what did i do, what did i eat, what did i see, where i went...(etc)

And on this dead blog, I will be updating on the other side of my life. The ranting side. The side where always complains about everything under the sun and the moon. btw, I have yet to think of a suitable title for the other blog lol...

Hehe... And so you have been informed. LOL i dun even think there's a single soul visiting this blog anymore...


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on the other hand,

I just got back my thesis proposal result and i have minor ammendments which means that i can just start with my thesis if i wanted to. BUT when i went to see my supervisor, she told me that there is nothing wrong with my propopsal. HOWEVER, *jeng, jeng, jeng* the whole thing is a piece of shit and is not a 3rd year standard and if i carry on doing then i MIGHT (have high chance) to fail my thesis which means that i will screw my 3 years of studying.. wtf?!

Alright, i know i stupid, but wtf?! I also know its my fault for choosing such a complicated topic. already know myself not that smart edi, still want to choose such difficult topic. find trouble, cari pasal.. dunno what to say...

Will be wasting more weekends on doing this piece of shit lor... ok my thesis is my new born baby, its not a piece of shit.. but i am so tired already.. haihhhh

Is Giving Up So Easy?

I am not the kind of person that handles stress well. Just last week, I almost gave up on TWO years of hard work. Literally giving up. I was feeling so down, and my future seems bleak. I can see nothing, but darkness. I thought I was at the end of my two years journey already. Another year to go and I am graduating. The thoughts of giving up is so strong that I would actually do it already, but friends have been encouraging me for moving forward. 


I wasn't joking when I said I wanted to give up. Nope, not at all. I was pretty damn serious about it. But, the thing is, how can I have the heart to tell my parents who has been funding my studies? We are not rich, and my fees are not cheap, but they have been paying the fees every semester. How can I tell my mum that her daughter wants to give up because she is not confident at all? How can I have the heart to break the news to them that the fees they have been paying all this while will go down the drain because their daughter is a quitter? 


Tears fell when I thought of that. There are many times when I talked to my mum over the phone, but I just can do it. I just can't let them down like that. As if I have not let them down enough. As if I'm not enough of a failure. Only my friends knew that I would want to give up. I spent weeks thinking long and hard about the giving up part. Those times that I was supposed to study for my failed papers, I spent it all on thinking, and thinking, instead of actually studying. 


I even delayed the payment of the new semester because I had actually planned to give it all up. But, how do i face the people that have put their hopes on me? I didn't do it.


The days leading to the resit exam are not easy too. I was feeling so 'emo' that I even had a plain  black profile picture on Facebook. Nope, it's not because I wanted to not show my face, but I was feeling really down. Like the life is worthless. People who know me will know that Facebook is my life (because I'm oh-so lifeless in real life). I had even considered to deactivate my fb account once and for all (if only i could find that damn button). But yeah, I didnt do it cause, I couldn't find the button. *swt case*


Through my TWO long years journey, I have met with many challenges, but this is the biggest obstacle so far. The thought of giving up had never been so strong like this before. But I thought back to those moments that I wanted to give up previously, and think where will I be if I had really given up. I have no idea. But one thing I know is, I AM STILL HERE BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO FIGHT, I CHOOSE TO CARRY ON. I DIDN'T GIVE UP.  I HAD A CHOICE, AND I DIDN'T DO IT.


Nope, I didn't give up the last time, so why should I this time?


There are moments in life where we met an obstacle or two, but everything happens for a reason. When you fall down, then stand up again. Or else you'll never learn. Standing back up is not easy, neither is giving up. So, just stand up for once. 


For now, I am still waiting for results, but I hope things will be positive. *fingers crossed* Thank you all who have been with me through the darkest hour. 

Yo!

Just trying out the new blogger.com interface. Abit confusing for me right now. So plain... Need some getting used to...

Click (1) there to "Try the updated blogger interface".

Then it will turn to the page as below. Really, it's very different, and a bit confusing for me. Oh well, can always click (2) to "Switch back to the old interface". But when you click they will ask you for comments, as they are still trying to improve.

If you're too free then you can spend a few minutes with the comments and feedback, or can just click "Skip".

I realise that with the new interface, they do not bring you directly to a "Published" page where you can click view blog after publishing a post. It stays on the same page where you are composing the blogpost, which I think is oh-so-not convenient for me.

I think I lose a little bit of weight, 

but I cant be sure. 

And I dont want to be sure. 

Dear tze,

Remember the time when you're stuck while doing assignment.. And the due date was so near its impossible to do anything..

Remember the time where you were so stressed up and giving up is the only thing you could think of?

The thought of giving up is so strong..

But guess what..

You made it through.

Fight, for another time. Fight like you never fought before.

Life is not fair, its up to you to change it.