Saturday, 7 April 2007

SHARE is something thats not in MY dictionary

you knoe wat?
for example,
i wan a new one. cause my old one died. so i was hoping to get my OWN PERSONAL one. but. my parents got one and we had to SHARE. lolx. fine. i SHARE. but. please dun SIMPLY DELETE my pcitures k? stupid lar. those pictures may mean NOTHING to you. but its SOMETHING to me k? DAMN IT!
my PC>
i move to penang to study. so staying wit my parents and bro. lolx. fine. i cant get to kl. fine. penang is ok too. lolx. but. i hate someppl who plays maple so much and everyday also have to dl stupid maple stuff. hai dao my comp is so damn fucking slow. cant move also. please lar. i wwant to sell off or donate off my computer and get MY OWN laptop. u play maple somemore i let u use windows 98 baru tau. stupid! see lar. if i lose my p atience. i will do that wan. dare me.

haiz. that two is just some of the examples. lolx. feel really stress lar. everyday have to fite wit him. have to study and stuff. really stressful lar. i wan to cry. but i dun have my own space. so i cant cry out loud. i just can cry in my heart. i wan to die. but i cnt do so. i have responsibilities. i smsed my frens bout how i feel. none of them understand how i feel now. we're different. I GROW UP ALONE. they dont. so its totally different. life sucks.

sharing stuff is ok for me. if it doesnt intefere with what i am doing and wants to do. yes i do sound selfish. lolx. what can i do? im like this. lolx. sharing stuff wit frens are OK cause they know the limits. sharing stuff wit my bro is NOT OK. he doent know the limits. whe i say i want to use means i wan lar. play whole afternoon edi stif not enough a? stupid idiot. make my extremely good mood today bad. rite. my parents are on HIS side. so im all alone in this house. YES THEY DO! when i wan it back. i mean. wheni say i wanted to use it. i mean it. and i dun scold ppl for no reason. and when i raise my voice a lil at him, they will go... GIRL>>DUN SHOUT! what the fcuk! ook ok... i understand now.. go back to the chinese family-parents-love-their-son-more theory! lolx.

my life sucks. sp ask me to think positively. i really cant. mayb she is busy wit her own stuff. so.. its really frustrating to hear wat i say. suan lar. i wish i can go overseas and dun come back and stay wit them. i hate stayin in msia anyway. SITIAWAN MY HOME is now lik a WARZONE. so i dun really lik going back there. i MISS my GRANDMA's COOKING and my GRANDPARENTS back there. i wish i could go back NOW and stay there. but. on the other hand, i dun wan to go back. its so noisy there and it feels lik a war zone. so life there now is really stressful. in penang, its never my home. lately, it feels more like home. but now. i wish i wasnt here at the first place. but what to do. sometimes in life, we have to make choices that we don really like and do things that we dont really want.

i realise something today. its already APRIL. OMG. two more months and it'll be my mid year. i HAVE to do well. I MUST do well. i MUST start studying edi now. but, WHERE DO I START???? i NEED HELP!! but i cant just go to anyone and ask stupid questions lik this. its stupid. i need to help myself. i need to change more. at least im doing my homework nowdays. not lik previous years, i dun care how big pile is the homework. it just grows bigger and bigger til the end of the year. and then i'll just have to forget bout it. i nEEd help in my studies now. im NOT GOOD in ACCOUNTING. ENglish sucks but stil managable cause everyone is doing the same thing. i guess. IT makes no sense to me. just starting my ECONOMICs class so i dunno if its OK to me. but im sure bout something. ECONOMICS IS WAY BETTER THAN MATHEMATICAL STUDIES! i THOught i understand PSYCHOLOGY. i love this subject. i really do. but then. when the teacher gives test or practices to do, i dunno wat the question is asking. so, WHAT AM I DOING? im not sure. so, is there anyone out there who is willing to help? i really do NEED help.

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