Monday, 24 March 2008

to: mummy, mama, and whoever it may concern

mee, ma, i really dont know whether i should laugh or cry when i write this lor.. meee, i want to move out.. best if i move back home. u know i am not good at studies at all. u and dee and everyone else knows.. i always fail. i am not very interested in studies.. look at my attendance in sec school.. and my grades. do u guys think i can do this?? i am not ready at all. well, i was a lil more prepared mentally this year compared to last year.. but,. still...

do u guys ever think of what is my real plan?? i wanted to take ONE year off after spm.. i want to travel.. i wan to do my own things.. but noooo... u guys enrol me for the january intake.. and it was barely a month after my SPM. i failed and i think you guys know why.. i wasnt happy... u guys decided for me..i end up wasting my one year.. i could put the time for better use... please can u just listen to me? but nooo.. majority counts.. i do whatever u guys say... and i failed once...

now, im doing this again.. mum i am not really confident i can do this.. yeah i think i should be able to pass...and now, my dear life is hanging on accounting alone... i am not sure i can even get a 10 for accounting.. im dumb... when it comes to accounting, i am dumber than usual... im worried.. whats the use of saying i must get better result, ask my lec, bla bla bla...

ok back to the reason for this post... as i was saying, i dont know whether i should laugh or cry... i wanted to cry but seeing him, i want to laugh... mum, ur brother... he's so irritating but yet, i dont know what to say... i hate him sometimes, really really hate him...but then, i cant be angry with him...i know he sayang me vry much.. but then, sometimes,.... mum, have u heard that two people with same personality cannot live together?? i cannot promise anything yet.. i dont know whether i will argue with him anot some day... i hope not...

ma, ur son, i really speechless lor..why ur son like that one?? ishhh.. geram la.. but he's ur son, ur my grnadma.. i also canno say anything...

uncle, u also know la.. everyone in the family say u and me are so alike,.. the way u and me talk to the elders when they're nagging and irritating us, the way we act is almost the same...i got nothing to say bout that.... but i do agree that i am rude to the elders in the family soemtimes...
whatever...

i want to say something here lo...i want to say it to ur face, but i cant, because i know i would end up laughing non stop even before i say it... why are u acting like ur so ah beng?? WHY?? u're working in an office, with air cond and stuff and not in any ciplak company... but a quite famous one in the industry...
u are not a vegetable seller in a market, not a char koey teow seller... why the hell are u so ah beng?? omg.. i dont know how long i will tahan.. till the day i say it to ur face..

i seriously wonder how ur gf tahan ur attitude lor.. i mean... u fart and u burp, all those disgusting things in front of her.. and u eat like ah pek in a kopitiam... when u eat, the whole dining table knows... im not saying u shud have 100% perfect proper table manners or what.. but then, i find it quite disgusting to see or hear people eating/ munching so loud...

i know its no point telling u that. cause u'll just end up chewing ur food louder and i'll end up laughing for no reason like what happened just now..



anyway, no offense... i need time to biasakan diri... lol.........


aunty eml, please do not decide for me anymore... u are the reason i started studying and throw away my holidays... they told me, "decide before she decides for u"... so i have not much choice and choose to repeat......

is paper qualifications THAT important??
i think taking life easy and doing things i like one step at a time is more important tho..
what is the use of me having all the paper qualifications i need, i have the best job one could find, but then i am not happy??
doesnt that ever crossed ur mind??

i am not pointing fingers and blamin u or whatever.. its over... just that i had no chance to say this before...


uncle l, thanks for everything.. u didnt take rent from me, u pay for my expensive meals, u let me mess up ur place.. and everything...i dont have much chance to spend time with u these days... u siao wan...go work even before i wake up... and come back onli at mid night....

kung kung, i know u super sayang me, but i didnt even bother to call and say HI. i dont dare to talk to u...and everytime, when u pick up the phone, u just pass it to grnadma.. i miss u.. i really do..sorry for those times i am super rude to u... i dont mean it.. i regret after i say those things, but i have no courage even to say im sorry....im so glad i can write this here and not say it to u face to face.. i wouldnt know where to start and what to say... i am crying... for the very first time here in kl... just because this paragraph... why dont u come to kl e other day with ma ma??? why do u choose to stay alone at home?? why?? u shud enjoy life by now... not working... do u know that?? its not that u cannot afford to not work... take it easy... enjoy life, relax....

daddy, i nver really talked to u too.. the fact that u stay so far away, and comes back to see me onli on the weekends... i know u sayang me too.. but i just dont know what and how to talk to u...

jin, i know, when u're little, u thought i was ur cousin.. but no im ur sister.. then when u slowly grow up...u wished that i would stay with u guys someday...dissapoint u time after time...im am sorry.. and last year, i finally stayed with u.. i know ur childhood dream turned into ur worst nightmare...i boss u around, i showed u how much i hated u.. i scream at u... and whatever,.... but.. all the bad things i do to u... its for ur own good actually..yeah u may think that im so evill why the hell am i doing this to u... i am just ur sister not ur mother... i know u r very pressured even without me... u;re her only son... she wants the best for u... but...... whatever i do, its really for ur own good..... i never meant to be evil...but someone HAS to be the bad guy right????? u'll understand someday... i hope...
in fact, i was jealous of u.. u got all the attention.. i used to get the attention.. but since u were stayin with us in stw when u were little, u got all the attention.. i remember, there was once, i tried to carry u around, but i got scolded cause grandma was worried u would fall.. and yeah, i put all the blame on u... but then, i got scolded for everything that happens... i was jealous of u.. i realised, now, u have ur life, ur frens, and u might be envy of me.. why i got those things u dont get.. why do i have so much more freedom than u.. and all those little things.. i fought for my freedom.. and now i can see ur doing the same.. i dont know why am i saying this, but, mom may control u too tightly... but its for ur own good. u're her one and only son, she raised u up, of course she cares for u more.. altho the way she use is a bit not right(my opinion)..just listen to her for now, u'll get ur total freedom oneday, when u get to college..(i tink).



ps: can u believe it? i actually say those things above. omg



pps:reposted for some reasons =)
ppps: added at 24th march 8.30pm =)


8 comments:

praise said...

Hey how are you? Hope you are fine! Actually studies is important, i think you should know it determines your future! Anyway hope to see you in sitiawan! take care gal! God bless! Whatever mistakes you make last time, don't repeat it now! Study hard! Don't give up!

Sunday, March 23, 2008 11:06:00 PM

ŦżėĆħīňġ said...

praisee... wow its a surprise to see u here... thanks for the encouragement girl... im going back next week... see u on saturday.. if i can.. =p

Sunday, March 23, 2008 11:20:00 PM



ps: sorry it looks weird cause i repost the whole thing again..hehe... din change anything tho.. just copy paste =)

mr. rusty said...

honey! man, i know u had all these troubles and all. its like, pent up emotions and when u finally let it go it comes out like some huge hurricane.

about ur life, u seem happy in KL with ur friends and life in taylor's seem fun.

hmm, i think u should really try to talk to ur family members. no one knows what's best for u but urself. we're all old enough to decide what we want to do, we have parents, relatives, & friends there to guide us but NEVER to tell us what to do especially if its some life decision like what u have to study.

i know u told me about ur interest in Psychology, i really hope u have the courage to tell ur parents about whatever ur interested in studying. there is no point for them, wasting money on an education that's not meant for u. only u will know if this suits u or not.

and obviously, accounting is not ur thing, the sooner u and ur family realizes it, the better. in order to do this, you absolutely NEED to talk to ur parents. call them or something. and u should also tell them that u dont want any of ur relatives to make a decsion for u. after all, this is YOUR life, not theirs.

i know that there are many parents, who will force their own dreams unto their children. but they have to know, when their own dreams cannot be fulfilled anymore, they must give way to their children's dreams and help them achieve it.

for ur age, we dont have much powwer to do anything cuz:
1. we are not earning our own income so we cant just do watever we want to
2. we are still relatively new to society and the big world around us.
even if u are 30 yrs old, there are still a lot to learn from the world. i agree when u say u need to take things step by step. but u also need to know why ur parents are pushing u so hard to complete ur studies. the faster u graduate and get a basic degree, the fast it is for u to step out into this world on ur own two feet, get a job, earn a living and live the life u want to. this is probably the way they are helping u.

remember the time u told me about ur dreams staying in an apartment somewhere overseas and just living ur own life, having ur own things etc? this life that u want will probably only come true when u've succeeded in ur studies. u dont have to score straight As or distinctions. if u are happy working in a moderate size office, going to work mon - fri and 9 - 5, earning an income that will be just right for u and living out a relaxed life that u want. u need to plan what job u want.

accounting is a very common subject that can get u a steady job easily. but there is no point if u've done a year of accounting and hate it so much. so, if u dont want ur family members to make decisions for u and push u around, start making decisions for urself. do some research on career options, go for some seminars and find out. after u've done ur research and ur sure that this is what u wanna do as a career, let ur parents know ASAP and tell them ur unhappy and tell them u want to study something else and do something else as a career choice. if they question or doubt u, shoot them back and let them know that u are matured enough to make ur own decision and u know what ur doing.

if u happen to fail or make mistakes in life. u just need to have the courage to admit ur mistakes, and pick urself up. if u cant do that. i will entend my hand and help u through it =) that's what friends are for anyway.

the point is, since u are already halfway through SAM, u need to atleast finish it, doesnt matter if u pass or fail. if this is not what u wanna do, find an alternative. it is never too late to change ur options. my dad has told me about Engineer grads, after they work for 10 years in the engineering line, they totally switch to some other career line cuz of their interest, be it designing, accounting or whatever, they still have that option to change their life entirely. so anything can happen in the future. we all make mistakes and whats important is we learn from it and know how to deal with it and move on.

hope u are ok dear, miss ya loads <3

Sunday, March 23, 2008 11:52:00 PM

ŦżėĆħīňġ said...

im not sayin im sad here.. life is good here in taylors..

and.. i *censored* a tiny bit in ur comment... sry i choose to keep those to u and me =) hope u dun mind yah.. and.. pls pls pls dun mention *that name* in my bloggie... paiseh ohh...

my family knows i wants to do psychology.. and they now supports me cause they know if i dont like someting, i would failed it anyway... accounting is just for sam.. u know la.. we dun have choice but to take all five subjects... and talking bout psychology, now i am not sure whether its what i realllly want anot..

i am still walking aimlessly now dearrr...

yeah i guess u're right... they want to get a degree as fast as i can.. and force me to a working world as soon as i can... shhh.. tell u smtg... i am NOT looking forward to the working world...

tiffy dear, thanks... for those things u said and the support... <3 u... muahxx.. =)

mr. rusty said...

haha sorry u had to censore some stuff. i dun mind. hehe. now only realize i posted such a long comment. hahaha.

yeah i know wat u meant by walking aimlessly now, i am like u last year, dunno wat to do, dunno where to go etc... but it will take time to find the right path.

haha i dun wanna work so soon too, but am forced to, atleast work part time here cuz i am living in poverty here its sooo sad. lol. and besides that, the pay here is good. ;)

anyway, always be positive, everything will turn out fine. take it easy with accounting.. and GOOD LUCK!

<3 u too deary

ŦżėĆħīňġ said...

hahha no prob.. =)
and the longest comment ever in purplegreenx.blogspot.com goes to....*drums rolling* MR. RUSTY!!! lol


u mean, now u found ur aim edi? dear, i found out, psychology in UWA... they need TER82...

crazy la weiiii...

omg tiffy u working part time dere?? u dun have class everyday isit?? heheh... dun tell me ur working together with de korean hottie yah..

Winnie C said...

Tissues please? Sob...
Girl, I never knew there's this side of you. All this while I thought you are enjoying life... But I guess all of us have our own troubles.
I'm in no any right position to advise you coz' I have problems too (some similar, some not), all I can say is that this is the time that God is moulding us. Everything happens for a reason.

Take care

ŦżėĆħīňġ said...

nah, tissue paper... :)

i thought i look like some depressed ppl tho.. im not sure... hahahh... why is everyone saying im enjoying life? omg. .. i guess i am.. hahah... lol...

i think, no matter how happy a person is from the outside, it doesnt mean that he/she is trouble-less.. everyone has his/her own problems...thats for sure..

i agree with u.. everything happens for a reason...

i wan to go back!!!