emo-less

i guess, when i woke up this morning, i had locked 90% of my feelings deep down in my heart.
or it flew somewhere else while i was asleep. [whatever]

i woke up late this morning, and the usual me will send a message to sp telling her i am gonna be late.
[not that she goes to coll with me or anything]
okay, but today, i took my own sweet time looking for everything.

i left home 20 minutes later than my usual time.
i could have panicked and drive really fast, but today,
i did nothing.
i took my own sweet time.

i reach coll. i had to park real far [maybank].
but i didnt say a thing.

i realised i forgot to bring coins for the parking ticket.
the usual me woud be swearing all the way and messaged everyone.
today, i just say what the hell and went to look for coins.

then i went into the bank.
i wanted to deposit the cheque for someone.
there were no more forms, and the only thing i said is just fuck.
i know i said it because my mouth and mind had been programmed to blurt out that word every time things not going my way. or whatever.
then i proceed to the atm machine, thinking i could withdraw my expenses this week,
but both atms couldnt work.
i did not scream fuck,
but just said it silently.

went to coll, and got back my first paper.
i got an A.
wasnt too happy o anything.
in fact, i wasnt happy or sad at all.
i know my oral helped me to get that A.

then as the time passed, classes after classes,
i alrd failed one subject by lunch.
after lunch, i failed two more.

so all in all i failed Three subjects.

i wasnt sad or anything, just a tiny bit disappointed.
it wasnt till the third paper i fail, that i saw the world come crashing down[ok added a lil salt and pepper here].
i think failing Three papers is toooo much to bear...
i want to cry, but where is my tears?
i wan to scream but where is my voice?
sighhhhhhh..
shiet how could i be so stupid?

no matter i study or i not study,
i will always get bad result.

how cant i get better results?
[i know this is where someone will say, neh u sendiri din study, how to get goood result?]

haizzz....


anything also,

i blame myself.



whatever.