Monday, 6 October 2008

emo-less

i guess, when i woke up this morning, i had locked 90% of my feelings deep down in my heart.
or it flew somewhere else while i was asleep. [whatever]

i woke up late this morning, and the usual me will send a message to sp telling her i am gonna be late.
[not that she goes to coll with me or anything]
okay, but today, i took my own sweet time looking for everything.

i left home 20 minutes later than my usual time.
i could have panicked and drive really fast, but today,
i did nothing.
i took my own sweet time.

i reach coll. i had to park real far [maybank].
but i didnt say a thing.

i realised i forgot to bring coins for the parking ticket.
the usual me woud be swearing all the way and messaged everyone.
today, i just say what the hell and went to look for coins.

then i went into the bank.
i wanted to deposit the cheque for someone.
there were no more forms, and the only thing i said is just fuck.
i know i said it because my mouth and mind had been programmed to blurt out that word every time things not going my way. or whatever.
then i proceed to the atm machine, thinking i could withdraw my expenses this week,
but both atms couldnt work.
i did not scream fuck,
but just said it silently.

went to coll, and got back my first paper.
i got an A.
wasnt too happy o anything.
in fact, i wasnt happy or sad at all.
i know my oral helped me to get that A.

then as the time passed, classes after classes,
i alrd failed one subject by lunch.
after lunch, i failed two more.

so all in all i failed Three subjects.

i wasnt sad or anything, just a tiny bit disappointed.
it wasnt till the third paper i fail, that i saw the world come crashing down[ok added a lil salt and pepper here].
i think failing Three papers is toooo much to bear...
i want to cry, but where is my tears?
i wan to scream but where is my voice?
sighhhhhhh..
shiet how could i be so stupid?

no matter i study or i not study,
i will always get bad result.

how cant i get better results?
[i know this is where someone will say, neh u sendiri din study, how to get goood result?]

haizzz....


anything also,

i blame myself.



whatever.




1 comment:

Winnie C said...

Hey, don't give up. I know it feels really bad failing, but as long as you have tried your best, it's okay. If you give up now the chances of you failing is high, but if you choose to work hard although it may be tough, the chances of you failing won't be that high anymore.

So continue to work hard, okay? Then we can go out and eat cucur udang again.