Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Let Go

Feels like there's sooo much to talk about.

It's been a crazy past few weeks. CNY is just barely over, just less than a month (from the 15th day), but it felt like its already been a year since CNY. sigh, had exams and assignments non stop since the holidays.

Last Friday, we (me and my awesome group members) had to conduct a workshop as a part of assignment, and our group was the last one of the whole batch. I choose this topic (grief) because of the hectic and crazy schedule I had. Been quite depressing few weeks too, unable to enjoy during holidays, had to face resit exams and fearing for the worse, and also had some very emo lectures and assignments; mainly on pain, and death anxiety. I actually wrote a 10 page proposal on death anxiety, wtf do you know how depressing is that? And right after that, had to attend a pain management workshop which basically means dealing with pain. ok I'm talking crap now. lol.

Well, I would like to say that I am soo very thankful for the awesome team members for coming up with such out-of-the-box ideas. Would never had thought of those ideas even though I brainstorm myself for weeks. Seriously, I truly enjoyed the workshop (not self-praise ok) even though I am one of the facilitators.

Ok, ok, enjoy may not be the best description. As a faci, I felt something too. I was standing at the back of the class, trying to control my emotions. All I remember was telling myself to hold it, be strong, and you cannot cry at this moment. Was trying to block off some disturbing images in my mind at the same time. Felt really numb, but that's the feeling I am familiar with. Imagine going to a workshop feeling really down, wanting to let go off some burden, and then the faci are supposed to be strong and stand at your side, becoming the pillar of strength, but then they themselves broke down and cried in front of you.

Talking about that, I somehow miss my paternal grandparents now. Was not really close to them, I'm closer to maternal side as I had stayed with them since the day I was born. They've been gone for more than 10 years already I believe. Was in primary school when it happened. But still, I miss them sometimes. Did not get to spend much time with them while growing up, but I still remember some moments with them.

Sometimes when my maternal grandparents are not free to fetch me from kindy, the paternal grandpa would come to pick me up with his bicycle. Then, he would take me home to shower and rest, and then bring me out again to get snacks from the shop at the corner. It may be nothing for you, but for me this is the best memory I had of my paternal grandpa. And then when it was time for me to go home, the grandma would give me RM5. #moneyface. I still remember even though I was 5 or 6 years old that time.

Two days ago, I tweeted, " Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. Ohana will always be ohana."
sometimes i can be so random, i dont always complain 1 ok....

If you don't get the contents of the tweet, it basically means that by letting go of the grief, the hurt, and the pain of losing someone you love, and moving on with life, it does not mean that you should or would forget about the person. Family will always be family, no matter where they physically are, they will always and forever be in your heart. No matter what. It's ok to miss them once in a while, and they would be happy too if you move on. How can they be resting in peace if they know that you are not moving on? You get what I mean? I have limited language ability, helooooo....

Ok, bye...

Oh, if you happen to lost someone, and is grieving, please know that there is no time frame for you to grief. Take your time and grief at your own pace. There is no too long or too short period of time. It's all up to you. But, remember, after you're done being sad, emo, down, etc..., stand back up and continue with your life ok.

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